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Contact with lonely people can make other people feel lonely, according to new research.
RODALE NEWS, EMMAUS, PA—If we asked a roomful of people to describe a lonely person, chances are, most would depict a person sitting at home, sulking, all alone. But according to new research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, loneliness isn't the same as objective isolation. And in fact, it might almost be considered a social disease: People who feel lonely can spread that feeling to others. To make matters worse, loneliness can become a self-reinforcing condition. "We detected an extraordinary pattern of contagion that leads people to be moved to the edge of the social network when they become lonely," says psychologist and study coauthor John T. Cacioppo, PhD, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago. "On the periphery, people have fewer friends, yet their loneliness leads them to losing the few ties they have left."
THE DETAILS: Cacioppo, one of the world's leading experts on loneliness, and fellow researchers from Harvard and the University of California-San Diego who penned the recently released book, Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives
By charting the participants' friendship histories and data from their reports of loneliness, researchers found that the pattern of loneliness spread as people reported fewer close friends. In fact, people who reported feeling lonely one day a week infected neighbors who were close friends with the afflicted. The loneliness spread as the neighbors spent less time together.
WHAT IT MEANS: One implication of all this is that offering support to people who are lonely will benefit everyone else, too. "Society may benefit by aggressively targeting the people in the periphery to help repair their social networks, and to create a protective barrier against loneliness that can keep the whole network from unraveling," says Cacioppo, who's also the author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection
Loneliness also disrupts the
Loneliness also disrupts the regulation of cellular processes deep within the body, predisposing us to premature aging. installment loans
Some ideas...
If the situation is intolerable, I propose you change the situation. Sounds like you are able-bodied, and eligible (or soon eligible) for social security. This is enough income to take a chance and move to another place. You will want a place that is urban enough to provide the amenities you need. Perhaps retirement home condos near those music concerts you like? And find a day job to get more interaction. I know it may seem drastic but you give no reasons for needed to stay where you are. Also, someplace near a senior center (you may not need it yet, but let's look a little into the future) that has a lot of activities that you enjoy. Also, you can try University classes in a subject you like (seniors can often audit for a minimal cost).
lonliness
I like the term "situationally isolated". I am not sure how to break out of this. I work a graveyard shift (11-7), totally alone except for the occassional guest needing to check in or out. I have varying days off so it is hard to commit to any regular volunteer work or interest groups since I try to sleep from 2-10pm.(I have volunteered as bell ringer for Salvation Army, but rarely get to speak more than 3 sentences to anyone). As finances permit, I do try to get out and go to folk music concerts/coffehouses in the nearest city (120 miles away),hoping to say more than 10 words to anybody. I am terrified to go to a bar alone (especially since I live in a community which is primarily populated with "ski bums" in their 20s....young enough to be my grandchildren). I had a wonderful therapist for a couple years until things started going wrong in her life. I haven't even been able to elicit a return call or postcard from her this year. Started connecting with another...who had a bicycle accident and died this past summer. I'm not allowed to have pets where I live so miss the connection I once had with other dog walkers. So what is the answer?
loneliness
Loneliness can be an internal psychological bent. Don't beat yourself up about it and don't give in to rejecting people. Keep reaching out and try to do the things you want to do, like volunteering or any other activity.
When I moved to a new city, I consciously chose not to get a car and this forced me to ask people for rides. Not everyone was happy or obliging but I had a wonderful opportunity to connect with those who did offer me rides. Most of these people are my friends today. I still don't own a car. Public transportation also works to help you see a place as it is.
good luck and happy holidays. Just get out there.
Loneliness
I've been coping with some loneliness lately.
I have have no car and I live in a suburb to which the bus does not extend except on workdays. I can get to work and back, but nowhere else. Also, I don't have much money and find people with more money wanting to avoid socializing with me because I can't attend the same functions as them.
People quiz me in an intrusive manner about why I don't drive, have less money,etc.
There are lots and lots of activities and volunteer work, etc. that I would love to do/attend after work or on weekends, but I just can't get there to do them. Therefore, I am utterly isolated socially.
Almost all of my friends are out of town and I met them years before I moved to my current residence.
So sometimes loneliness is situational.
And Americans do tend to socially isolate those they think are not 'winners' and that includes those without an automobile. They tend to view those without cars as dependent and a burden.
golden rule
I follow the golden rule, do onto others as you'd have them do onto you. Just because someone is dealing with a personal problem doesn't give you the right to treat your friends like crap.
With friends like that, I'd prefer loneliness!
Really? Asking a friend who was recently divorced "Hey, did you get up on the wrong side of bed?" seems snide, not "light". How about honestly addressing the person's situation and feelings with caring and compassion instead? I wonder how much the infantile American insistence that everyone always be upbeat and cheerful NO MATTER WHAT contributes to the isolation of those who are already suffering. If I were that recently divorced person, I certainly would avoid the company of people who were in the habit of "cheering me up" with such thinly-veiled criticism!