It'll end in tears: New research shows that long-term relationships between opposites don't usually work out.

RODALE NEWS, EMMAUS, PA—To the surprise of music fans all over the world who take lyrics literally, it turns out Paula Abdul was terribly wrong in her ’89 hit Opposites Attract. Building on a previous study, researchers from the Netherlands conclude that, while it may seem boring at first, finding someone with similar interests is your best bet for long-term compatibility.

“People should not attach too much importance to lay-theories of love, especially the faulty idea that opposites attract,” says researcher Pieternel Dijkstra, PhD, professor of psychology at University of Groningen in the Netherlands. “A look inside will, in most cases, reveal that people are looking for someone similar to themselves. This is not boring, but sensible.”

THE DETAILS: Dijkstra’s newest research, which hasn’t been published yet, confirms her findings from a 2008 study: People often think they want someone different—a person who complements them—when really they are looking for someone with similar personality traits. Her fellow researchers and she also found that, in addition to wishing for a similar partner (this was determined by college-educated online daters rating their own personality characteristics and those they’d like to find in a long-term partner), people look for partners who are just a little bit better of a person than they are.

“The explanation is that unconsciously, people look for partners who are reflections of their ideal selves,” Dijkstra says. “This has been called the Michelangelo effect. A partner who looks like one’s ideal self may help one to develop oneself in order to become the ideal self.”

WHAT IT MEANS: This research could help explain why your love for the bad-boy biker you fell for 2 years ago has been sputtering. “Although opposites often attract, the chance of opposites becoming involved in a successful, long-term relationship is relatively small,” she says. “The differences that at first seem so exciting and interesting become, after a while, stressful, frustrating, and hard to understand.

Here’s how to avoid a trip to divorce court based on incompatibility issues:

• Be friends first. When you first meet, take it slow, and use your mouth for long chats, not lip locks. “I advise people to take the time to get to know each other before getting romantically involved, at least when you want to avoid becoming hurt because you fell in love with the wrong person,” says Dijkstra.

• Know what you’re looking for. Not everyone is looking for marriage material. Dijkstra says people shouldn’t shy away from opposites just because of her research. “If you’re looking for a short, passionate affair, there is nothing wrong with falling for an opposite,” she says. “But if you are looking for a long-term relationship, you should look for a partner similar to yourself, specifically in his or her personality. However, discovering someone’s personality takes time.”