RODALE NEWS, EMMAUS, PA—As you read this, you and I are communicating via the magic of the Internet. If you are as old as I am, you grew up never dreaming this technology would exist. Today it is hard to imagine living without it.
Many of us depend on the Internet, email, blackberries, cellphones, Facebook, and all manner of electronic communication to keep us connected to our friends, our family, our work, and our world. We can work from home or from a mountaintop, instant-message friends all over the world, and Twitter anyone who cares to know exactly what we are doing right now.
But if the thought of not checking your email for a few hours causes you to break into a cold sweat, you may be addicted to your communication technology. This is the potential downside of our infatuation with instant communication. Our penchant for connecting with someone who is somewhere else can interfere with our ability to be fully present right where we are. Our quality of life, and the quality of our relationships, can suffer when email, cellphones, and the Net keep us from giving full attention to the activities and the people we are with. In our 24/7 perpetually plugged-in culture, our online activities follow us everywhere: A survey done by AOL found that 67 percent of respondents checked their email while in their pajamas in bed, and 59 percent checked their email while in the bathroom!
Last year a young couple came to me seeking help with their intimate relationship. They both did a good deal of work from home, where they frequently sat in their home office at their computers with their backs to each other for hours at a time. They confided sheepishly that some of their best conversations with each other were via instant messaging as they sat back-to-back staring at their computer screens. I complimented them on their efficiency. When I suggested the obvious, they responded that turning around and actually talking to each other interrupted their workflow, and was more difficult for them than just IM’ing. Our work together focused on enhancing their ability to speak face to face (outside the office!) about important issues in their shared life, and on finding positive ways for them to connect with each other and share affection.
Here are some questions to ask yourself, to assess whether your use of communications technology is crossing into the addictive range:
• Do you neglect household chores to spend more time online?
• Do you ever prefer the excitement of the Internet to intimacy with your partner?
• Do others in your life complain to you about the amount of time you spend online?
• Do you frequently check your email before doing something else that you need to do?
• Do you often choose to spend time online over going out with others?
Multiple “yeses” to these questions suggest that you should at least consider rethinking the time you devote to online pursuits. If you are preoccupied with the Internet, your loved ones may feel neglected when you can’t pull yourself away from your email or a website to be with them. You may feel tense or guilty, knowing that you could be connecting more with them if you weren’t so connected to your computer. Internet addiction can also take a toll on your well-being, cutting into your sleep, your health, and your peace of mind.
If you feel you have become overly dependent on your email and the Internet, here are a few ways to break free and take your life back:
• Make your bedroom a technology-free zone (no computers, Blackberries, cellphones).
• Limit checking your email to certain times of the day.
• Turn off the instant notification function on your computer so that you are not interrupted by a ding or a pop-up notice every time a new email arrives.
• Manage expectations: Let friends, family, and coworkers know that you check your email twice (or three times) a day, and that you are committed to answering them as promptly as possible within those processing times.
• When going on vacation, use the “out-of-office” feature on your email at work. Include a message letting people know you will return emails when you get back.
Jeffrey Rossman, PhD, is a Rodale.com advisor and director of life management at Canyon Ranch in Lenox, MA. His column, “Mind-Body-Mood Advisor,” appears weekly on Rodale.com.