RODALE NEWS, EMMAUS, PA—There's one in every office, charity, church, and neighborhood block association: that person who always volunteers to take on the next task regardless of how long it will take or how much he or she has already agreed to do. And admit it, you've always found those people secretly annoying. You aren't alone. A new study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology has found that people who give too much are viewed just as unfavorably by their peers as people who give too little. But before you label the next task taker as a do-gooder or a glory grabber, consider what motivates such people, and you may find it helps you relate better to others.
THE DETAILS: The researchers had 104 college students play a computer game in teams of five—but in fact, each volunteer was unknowingly playing with four computerized partners rather than real people. All five members of the group were told that they had 10 points, and each member could give away as many points as he or she wanted. The number of points given away would double, and at the end of the game, the total number of points in the pool would be converted to coupons that the students could use at the university's dining hall. After 10 rounds of the game, the pool was tallied and the students learned how much each of the other four group members had contributed, and they were then told to take back as many points as they wanted. While three of the computerized group members gave points in proportion to what they took—taking back a lot if they gave away a lot, for example—the fourth was programmed to make an extreme choice. That player either took more than he gave (the "selfish" personality) or he gave more than he took (the "benevolent" personality).
The college students were then asked to evaluate how much they wanted each of the other four members to stay in their group on a nine-point scale, one being "not at all" and nine being "very much." In nearly every case, the college students wanted to remove the benevolent group member as much as they wanted to remove the selfish group member.
Why hate on the do-gooders? In a repeat of the experiment, the researchers asked another group of students to explain their reasons after playing the game. Fifty-eight percent of students disliked the benevolent members for comparative reasons, for instance, "This person makes me feel bad because I feel like I should do more," or "No one else is doing what he does. He makes us all look bad." Another 35 percent gave what the authors called "normative" reasons—they didn't like the fact that the benevolent player deviated from what was considered normal for the situation. For example, "It's strange for someone to keep giving and not take much in return. If you give a lot you should use a lot." Or "I probably would have been OK with him if I hadn’t seen everyone else’s choices, and seen that he was so different. He’s too different from the rest of us."
WHAT IT MEANS: The results of this study go beyond the idea that people find do-gooders annoying, or suspect do-gooders of being motivated by some other undesirable reason, says the study's lead author Craig Parks, PhD, professor in the psychology department at Washington State University. "One person might read this and think that it's an illustration of how bad people are and how society is crumbling," he says. "But I don't see it that way at all. What it really illustrates is how behaving in society is a really complicated thing." Some people, according to his results, want things to be done fairly so that every person contributes equally. But benevolent types may just want to get things done, and "if that means just a few people take on the lion's share of the work, that's OK," Parks adds. "There are different ways of approaching a situation, and all ways are defensible."
What he does recommend, however, is that we all be a little more tolerant. Using the example of public television, he says, there are people out there who donate regularly, knowing full well that PBS-watching neighbors never do. "Either they're OK with that or, every time there's a pledge drive, it becomes a mental irritant," he says. "We need to figure out how to get people to realize that there will always be inequities in a situation."
Unfortunately, that's not always easy, Parks says, but here are a few ways to try:
• Talk it out. Any situation in which there are multiple people working toward the same goal will succumb to group dynamics, whether you're dealing with a group project at work or organizing a charity event. So it helps to talk about how the group wants to approach it. "You want to map it out beforehand," says Parks. "Will everybody do the same amount? Or will you ask everyone to do as much as they can, recognizing that some can do more than others?" That could still spark disagreements, he adds. But it might help you feel less defensive in the event that you can't contribute as much as someone else. Conversely, others may be less annoyed with you if you take on a bigger share of the work.
• Don't jump to conclusions. People in groups all have different motivations for their actions, says Parks. "One is to be greedy and do what's best for myself, another is that I really should behave in a fair manner, and a third is that we should really try to accomplish this task as efficiently as possible. At different times, every one of those will be a dominant motivator for people." So while you may think that a benevolent person in your group is trying to grab all the glory or make you look bad, that may not be the case. Try to determine what's motivating him or her, and maybe you can find another way to contribute, whether it's by taking on a different task so you can feel you're contributing more or by asking a person who really is motivated by personal gain to back down so others can take part.
• Be mindful of your own do-goodery. You probably mean well, but "there's a fine line between being generous and being a suck-up," Parks says. If you are the type to jump in and give more than you take, realize that others' perceptions of you may not be so rosy. "You take people who are very, very, very generous, and others often think they're smug, or they think they're annoying," he says, even if that's not the case. To disarm their suspicions, try not to be overbearing. Don't take control of a situation without asking other people for their input; make sure everybody has a chance to contribute before you offer to do extra.